The First Blog Post (well, it was supposed to be)
This was supposed to be my first blog post. I had started writing out ideas and composing it carefully to be compelling and give you some insight into who I am. Well, now you've got a bit of an idea who I am from my actual first post, so let's build on that, instead.
If there was a super-long title to my book or movie, it would be: The fat girl with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) can’t get (or stay) pregnant, and has a very successful career (read "pays her lots of money but shes miserable"), gets headhunted from a job she didn't want for a more prestigious job she didn't want and then immediately gets laid off, leading to depression and anxiety; she then miraculously (I don't say this word lightly) gets pregnant and then soon after having her daughter, gets divorced and is diagnosed with attention deficit disorder...
But it would be one of those books or movies that doesn’t end there. It leaves you hanging and makes you want more, maybe even annoyingly so, because you KNOW that this isn’t the end of the story and that there’s promise of so much more.
See- the thing is, not only do I have a sense of humour about all of these things in my “movie title”, these things that are part of who I am, I am absolutely hell-bent on not allowing these things to define who I am or what I’ll become. Sure, I’m in my 40’s, but I see my recent divorce and loss of job (and identity, as I saw it) as an opportunity… a chance to figure out who I am, and I can be anything! And so can you. I don’t care if you’re 20, 40, or in your “twilight years” (a woman on my soccer team who is “a bit” older than I am said that’s where she says she is, haha), you can be anything. And- you are more than your past or your diagnosis or your baggage.
Now let’s talk baggage and carrying it and how much we’ve got. As someone who has struggled with mental health for a long time and who has gone to therapy for an equally long time, I always thought “baggage” was emotional / psychological / mental stuff… exes, trauma, eating disorders, fears, etc etc. But in speaking with others, I learned that children can be seen as baggage; and if I’m being honest, I find this take somewhat hilarious, because I LOVE my daughter, but frig, she’s a lot to “carry”. So yeah, let’s include children in what we consider baggage, because you should also be able to carry the fact that you’re a parent and not have it be the only thing that defines you.
Maybe I’ll get some flack for this, for saying that you shouldn’t only define yourself as a mom (or dad). But here’s the thing… before you were a mom, you may have been in a relationship, and that relationship is important. And if you weren’t in a relationship, or you’re not anymore, your other relationships are important. And they are AS important as the relationship with your children. Sure, maybe they don’t take as much time or effort as the child relationships (there’s a reason #whymykidiscrying is such a huge hashtag), but they should be an equally important part of who you are. This blog isn’t all about parenting- but it’s forefront in my life right now because I’m a single mom to a toddler and learning about who I am beyond being a mom, because dangit, this little spicy meatball of a toddler does take up a LOT of what I've got.
(No, that's not her, haha)
Maybe you have some trauma in your past, perhaps you’ve got an ex that you just can’t seem to wipe from your history, or an eating disorder, medical diagnosis, fears, mental health issues, maybe you’ve got a combination of all of these things, like me! But c’mon, let’s not BE these things. I know it's scary to let these things go, too, and we'll talk about that. Let’s be creators, innovators, kind-hearted citizens of the world who kick ass and take names and use the strength gained from this baggage to carry on. Let’s learn from each other and support each other and be a community of awesomeness.
If you’re looking for some insight into how I continue to define myself outside of these external factors, stick with me. If you’re looking for support and tough love while you learn who you are, while you carry on and make sure that baggage is manageable, let’s do this.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find your joy!
P.S. You may see some of my photography in my posts... I love taking pictures and the world is such a beautiful place, so I thought I should share how I see it.